In this Episode:

Today we are covering an important subject – anxiety. Did you know that according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America in the US, 40 million people aged 18 and older – that’s about 18 percent of the population – has an anxiety disorder. So joining me to lovingly and respectfully discuss this topic is Rebecca Ching. Rebecca is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Lots of great resources mentioned at the end of this episode – everything will be listed at thegoodlifecoach.com/023.

Rebecca is Certified in Internal Family Systems Therapist, a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator+Consultant (CDWF-C) (based on the research of Brené Brown), Certified EMDR Therapist+Consultant-in-Training and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist (CEDS) + iaedp™.

She will discuss when anxiety can be beneficial and what it looks like when it accumulates and hits a tipping point so you know when to seek out help. We also discuss it through the lens of what my guests calls a culture of “never enough” which makes us question: “Am I doing enough? Have I achieved enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? The root being feeling of “Am I enough?” Perfectionism is a way for anxiety to play itself out and creates shame. Not being worthy and not feeling enough.

Key Takeaways:

What are the triggers?:

Anxiety exists in our culture of “never enough”.  A rise in depression, anxiety, attempts and completion of suicides, substance abuse and dependency.   Standards in academics, sports, health, and beauty. Also we are told we are strong by not showing emotions.

Early intervention is key.  Teach children to respect their bodies and boundaries.  Take a hard look at the expectations of ourselves and others.  How we shop and that’s the perfection piece.  Create homes and school and communities and cultures that normalize struggle.  

Asking a question without an agenda.  Name it and then invite the person we are connecting with to affirm or to correct us so that the person feels understood and feels cared about.

Name it and say “I see you.”  Or say words like “This is hard.  I’m here.”  And then go into curiosity without trying to fix it.

The advertising that we see is also contributing to us not feeling enough.  Look at the daily messages that we take in daily.  

No blame on the parents – we are all doing the best that we can.

One of the biggest gifts that we can give ourselves is messing up. Our brain hates risk and loves certainty so we have to teach it that it is okay.

Personality, temperament, genetics, and trauma (relationship, betrayal, deep disappointment, and neglect.) The little cuts that start to begin feeling like a switch of anxiety that is always turned on.  Then anxiety becomes a new status quo and state of being.

We do a lot to avoid being misunderstood as parents, humans, kids and professionals.  Expectations – respecting unique nervous systems.  Creating cultures that normalize struggle.  

“Crush fear and do more is the message” – think yourself through it – but she says “feel your way through it” should be the way to manage our stress.

Asking a question without an agenda.  Name it and then invite the person we are connecting with to affirm or to correct us so that the person feels understood and feels cared about.

Name it and say “I see you.”  Or say words like “This is hard.  I’m here.”  And then go into curiosity without going into it.  

Rebecca’s 3 Best Tips

  1. Assess and evaluate our expectations and others to not set us up for pain and failure.
  2. Move towards building a culture that respects failures and falls and learning from them vs. feeling like you have to be perfect all the time.
  3. Get comfortable with emotional literacy with ourselves and and those we care about.

Resources Mentioned

Parenting from the Inside Out by Dan Siegel

Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel Siegel

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der kolk

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

SELF-LEADERSHIP.ORG

This episode was sponsored by Design a Life You Love, A Woman’s Guide to Living a Happier and More Fulfilled Life.  My book includes 52 inspirations, one for every week of the year, each with practical tips to guide you to self-love and success on your own terms. It’s a short book that you can read in about an hour, but includes life lessons that will last a lifetime.

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